Gratitude...it's long

For my big 100...I had plenty of ideas, but with Thanksgiving I am just feeling really grateful for all that I have. I want all of you that take the time to read this to know how much your friendship and support means to me. You make me laugh, some make me cry(not in a mean way) others help me know I'm not alone, and many help me snap out of it and think twice before I hand my boys over to the gypsies or to the sweet couples during sacrament meeting that are so bored all they can do is snuggle, kiss and rub each others backs( those were the days...yawn) and smile while I'm chasing my boys around the chapel wishing I heard a fraction of someone's talk (mostly because I thrive on those spiritually touching moments and kids make that a little challenging). I love knowing that I'm not the only one still in my pj's at five o'clock, or feeding kids mac n'cheese three days in a row. There are other kids with staples in there heads or a black eye every time you see them. You help remind me that hands are washable, walls are washable and that memories will fade so enjoy the messes a little more.

I cherish my friends and think about you often, I know I rarely call-I still am horrible at it but know that I love you and think about you and pray for you. I love the fact that we can laugh until we cry about the most random things, we can enjoy a great movie without guns and violence, we can understand each other when we are crying so hard we need to be reminded to breathe. Thank you for still calling me. From far away I know that I can still rely on you for anything-well that is if I actually call and ask. But thank you for being you and loving me...or putting up with me.

I sure love my little family. My boys are so much fun. They are the reason I wake up each morning with a smile on my face. Okay I lied some mornings it's way to early to be smiling but eventually I cave and we laugh a lot.

I'm grateful for my sweet husband,even though he is a bit obsessed with Starcraft. He gives great back rubs, makes breakfast regularly,washes the dishes and will even clean the bathroom without rolling his eyes. He holds me when I am sad, is an amazing dad and finds little ways to make me smile. Most of all he puts up with my stubbornness and other quirks. We can laugh together, cry together, fight together and continue to move forward and make each other happy. I am truly blessed.

I have loving parents. My dad is the best grandpa on earth. He will drop everything to tend/entertain my boys or just take them for rides in his cool cars or make them laugh when they are ornery beyond belief. They have a special place in his heart as he does in theirs. My mom is great. She is so giving and so thoughtful. I never imagined my kids would be so spoiled! They love grandma's house so much. They know right were the treats are. There's a special Lightning McQueen bed for Gavin and her curio cabinet is now filled with cars instead of dolls and dishes.

This blog wouldn't be complete with out expressing my love for my brothers. I have learned so much from all three. Jeremy has taught me to look beyond the exterior and give everyone a chance. Some people need more than others. We have made a breakthrough. We get a long much better and there's an element of respect that used to not exist. He has an awesome wife and the sweetest little boy. I hope things can continue to get better from here.

Eric, I love him so much. I miss him like crazy. It is so hard living without him. I never got to tell him goodbye or give him one last hug. I have a lot of regrets but I am trying to turn those regrets into learning experiences. I don't remember the last time I told him I loved him. I hope it was more recent than what I recall(if ever, which will always break my heart). I don't remember the last time I hugged him...I sure hope it was long after my wedding day. I don't hug very often and that's another thing he taught me. He was always willing to give a hug or pat on the back even if he didn't want to. I'm getting better with hugs, I need them now...I used to think I didn't. I hope our last fight was forgotten and that it happened at least four years ago and never again...that's one thing I'm glad to not be sure of because I know it wasn't anywhere near his death. We had grown so close. We were and always will be best friends. He taught me to be more easy going and to be a better friend. He taught me to "lighten up". I pray that he left this life knowing how much I loved him, how much I truly miss him, and how anxious I am to give him a really big hug when I see him again. trust me it's going to be the best hug I have ever given. I hope I can become more like him.

I am also eternally grateful for my Savior. I'm thankful for His love and His forgiveness. I know that He loves me so much He DID die for me. Not only did He die for me but for everyone I love. This is what gives me peace and comfort in those really dark hours. Family is EVERYTHING and without my Savior and the Gospel I would not be here right now. I still have my struggles. I am no where near perfection but I know that I am trying and that I am not alone.
Take time to do things you will be remembered for, you don't know when it will be too late.