My heart will always ache, though most people will forget. Forgetting is a good things at times. It is about as far away as I can get from my tears and overflow of emotions. It's impossible for me to really forget but when I don't focus on his death I'm a bit more stable. If I keep busy and believe me my two boys are great at that, then it's possible to function. I don't like seeing the worry in Gavin's eyes when he sees me cry. It's not fair to him. Somedays are just better than others. It melted my heart when Gavin ran into me and climbed in bed and wrapped his arms around me saying "momma, I wuv you dis munch!" and gave me a sweet kiss. He really is one of a kind!

May 26th, 2007-
I lost the sweetest little brother in the world. He was at the Sand Dunes 4-wheeling with his friends and was accidentally hit by another ATV. He was crushed and died at the scene. The thought of this makes my stomach sink, my heart ache and my body tremble. He was so full of life and adventure. I never got to say goodbye or give him one last hug or tell him how much I loved him. It was so unexpected. He was only twenty. He had really grown into someone great. I never thought I'd lose him. I'm so grateful that we became as good of friends as we did. He brought a lot of laughter into my life. He was an amazing uncle and helped me out so much whenever Andy wasn't able to. He even changed a few diapers with out complaining. His eyes lit up every time he played with Gavin or held Max (the nine days that he had with him). He was the most thoughtful and forgiving guy that I know. He was responsible, caring, funny and a great friend. He had the biggest heart. We have some great memories. I just can't believe he is gone. The past year has been so hard. It still doesn't seem real.

I miss him terribly. I miss his phone calls- he liked to check in with me and ask for advice all of the time. I miss our shopping trips and long talks (it surprised me how much he listened to what I had to say and that he actually valued my opinion). I miss teasing him. I miss his comments about how "hot" that girl was-even though he didn't have the guts to ever talk to her. He could always make me laugh- even if it meant I was laughing at him. I miss the way he always came through the door and said"Hey!" in a cheerful way no matter what his mood. He was so tolerant and easy going. He was enjoying life and worked really hard so he could. I admired his adventurous spirit. We had some great times together. I just want him back. He means so much to me. There is a hole in my heart and I am so torn up inside. It really hurts. I keep waiting for his phone calls, waiting for him to stop by, waiting to hear about his latest rock climbing, hiking, camping adventure or something. I just keep waiting... Seeing that I can't read the screen I will stop.

I can't wait until I get to see him again. This experience has really made me grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel. I know I will see him again. I'm just having a hard time waiting for that wondrous day.

I love you Eric!