It's not getting easier

The combination of Memorial day weekend and the same weekend that my little brother was taken from this life makes for several consecutive,emotional days. Those very personal events come flooding back like an instant replay. It isn't easy getting through this. I am grateful for the love and support from family and friends. I don't know how people can get through such experiences without family, and the gospel.

*Take the time to hold the ones who mean the most to you, tell them how much you love them and make the most of life. Life is too short to be too busy, too prideful, too afraid, or to have excuses! The more smiles and laughter you share together the more happy moments you will have to cherish when that is all you have left.

"Today is gonna be a beautiful day" Mellowdrone. One of his favorite songs.

May 26th, 2007-

I lost the sweetest little brother in the world. He was at the Sand Dunes 4-wheeling with his friends and was accidentally hit by another ATV. He was crushed and died at the scene. The thought of this makes my stomach sink, my heart ache and my body tremble. He was so full of life and adventure. I never got to say goodbye or give him one last hug or tell him how much I loved him. It was so unexpected. He was only twenty. He had really grown into someone great. I never thought I'd lose him. I'm so grateful that we became as good of friends as we did. He brought a lot of laughter into my life. He was an amazing uncle and helped me out so much whenever Andy wasn't able to. He even changed a few diapers with out complaining. His eyes lit up every time he played with Gavin or held Max (the nine days that he had with him). He was the most thoughtful and forgiving guy that I know. He was responsible, caring, funny and a great friend. He had the biggest heart. We have some really great memories. I can't believe he is gone. Most days I like to think he is just away on some adventurous vacation and it works pretty well. But then there are "those" days that I just have to face reality. Memorial day weekend consists of endless emotional days of reality.

(I love how much Max seems to have inherited from his uncle, he looks so much like him and acts like him too. They would have been best friends if they had the chance, but I know Eric is getting some great entertainment from afar. I am pretty sure he's Max's guardian angel. We all know how much he needs one!)

I miss him terribly. I miss his phone calls- he liked to check in with me and ask for advice all of the time. I miss our shopping trips and long talks (it surprised me how much he listened to what I had to say and that he actually valued my opinion). I miss teasing him. I miss his comments about how "hot" that girl was-even though he didn't have the guts to ever talk to her. He could always make me laugh- even if it meant I was laughing at him. He had such a good attitude and didn't mind the teasing( I think he liked all the attention anyway). I miss the way he always came through the door and said "Hey!" in a cheerful way no matter what his mood. His classic line "I'm so tired I don't even remember my own name" always gave me a good laugh. He was so tolerant and easy going. He was enjoying life and worked really hard so he could. I admired his adventurous spirit. We had some great times together. I just want him back. He means so much to me. There is a hole in my heart and I am so torn up inside. It really hurts. I keep waiting for his phone calls, waiting for him to stop by, waiting to hear about his latest rock climbing, hiking, camping adventure or something. I just keep waiting...

I am so blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel. I know I will see him again. I'm just having a hard time waiting for that day to come. I will finally shed tears of joy and someone will have to pry my arms off of him!

I love you Eric!